WILL THIS RELATIONSHIP LEAD TO MARRIAGE?
There is a quiet question that has kept many women awake long after the city has gone to sleep. It is a question whispered into pillows after late-night phone calls have ended. It is hidden in steaming pots of soup, folded shirts, polished floors and carefully prepared lunch packs. It travels in cars, sits comfortably in cinemas, smiles in photographs and even dances joyfully at other people’s weddings. Yet, despite all the laughter, the lingering hugs and the loud declarations of love, one question refuses to disappear. Will this relationship lead to marriage?
It is not a new question. It is as old as courtship itself. Every generation has asked it, though in different ways. Yesterday, it was asked in handwritten letters. Today, it is asked in WhatsApp chats that begin with laughing emojis but end with silent tears. Times have changed. Technology has changed. Traditions have shifted. But the human heart still longs for certainty.
Honestly, relationships are beautiful. They are meant to be seasons of discovery, not corridors of confusion. They provide opportunities for two people to know each other beyond appearances and attraction. Courtship should answer questions, not multiply them. It should replace assumptions with assurance and uncertainty with understanding. Sadly, that is not always the case.
Interestingly, many women find themselves investing everything they have into relationships that have no clearly defined destination. They give generously of their time, their energy, their affection and, sometimes, even their finances. They become emotional anchors, dependable companions and domestic partners long before wedding vows are exchanged. They cook, not because cooking is compulsory, but because caring often expresses itself through service. They know his favourite soup, the exact texture of his pounded yam, how much pepper he enjoys and which meal can brighten a stressful day. His kitchen slowly becomes her kitchen. They clean. His apartment sparkles. His wardrobe becomes organised. The bathroom carries traces of feminine attention. Friends jokingly refer to her as “Madam of the House.” She smiles. But somewhere beneath that smile sits a stubborn question: Will this relationship lead to marriage? She spends weekends there. Eventually, weekends become weeks. She knows the neighbours. The gateman greets her respectfully. The security guard assumes she lives there. She has become familiar enough to function like a wife, yet uncertain enough to remain a girlfriend. She has crossed every bridge except the one that gives her confidence about tomorrow.
Life has many interesting ironies. Some relationships resemble a bus whose passengers have travelled for years without seeing a destination sign. Everyone appears relaxed. The music is pleasant. The air conditioner is working. The journey itself seems comfortable. But nobody knows where the driver is going. Comfort is not the same as clarity. A pleasant journey without a destination eventually becomes wandering. Others resemble a building whose foundation is dug deeper every year. More cement arrives. More blocks are delivered. More money is spent. More labour is employed. Yet the walls never rise above ground level. Neighbours begin to wonder: “What exactly are they building?” The same question echoes in many relationships: “What exactly are we building?”
Love should not become an endless rehearsal for a wedding that never arrives. Courtship is preparation, not permanent residence. Of course, marriage should never be rushed. Responsible men and women often delay marriage for genuine reasons. Financial stability matters. Emotional maturity matters. Career development matters. Family responsibilities matter. Wisdom demands preparation. There is nothing wrong with taking time. There is, however, something unsettling about taking forever.
A relationship cannot survive indefinitely on indefinite promises. Time should produce progress. Affection should produce accountability. Commitment should gradually produce clarity. When years pass without meaningful conversations about the future, uncertainty quietly begins to replace excitement. It is understandable that some women hesitate to ask difficult questions because they fear to appear desperate. Aunty, ask the question. Time is of essence. Your biological clock is fast ticking away.
On the other hand, this discussion is not intended to place all responsibility on men. Relationships are partnerships. Women also owe men sincerity, patience, understanding and honesty. Some women have equally prolonged relationships without making their own intentions clear. Others have rejected sincere proposals while remaining emotionally unavailable.
Anthony Ekpo Bassey, is the Executive Editor of BEAGLE NEWSPAPER
